Get off your butt

Sherri T.

My colleague Sheila is an accomplished physician who specializes in a complex area of pediatric health. Imagine my disbelief when she told me the most important advice she learned from her mother: “Get off your butt.”

Turns out, I was not the only one surprised by these stark words. Sheila herself was actually shocked. 

Her mother was a mild-mannered person who always sought to create peace in the family. She was a professional therapist who was a superb listener and would never pass judgment on her clients or her children. Sheila always felt comfortable talking with her mother, knowing that she would be heard, understood and appreciated.

When her soft-spoken mother basically told her flat-out to “get off her butt,” she acknowledged these words as a stinging rebuke of her behavior. Here’s why.

Sheila was an accomplished student and had been accepted to an out-of-country, prestigious medical school. The social and emotional adjustment ended up being more difficult than she thought.

Because medical school is a demanding program, it took up pretty well all her time and energy. Her studies were the top priority and excelling in her university courses was a given, not an option.

One day in a phone conversation back home, her mother asked how she was doing. Sheila replied that she was having trouble making friends and basically had no social life. Besides, she was too busy studying.

Rather than getting the sympathetic response she expected, her mother replied with clear exasperation: You are in a vibrant big city. There are virtually hundreds of opportunities to get out and meet people. If you’re in a rut, it’s because you dug yourself into it. Now get off your butt!

Sheila admits that this totally unexpected response from her usually empathic mother was a serious wake-up call. It was the dressing down she needed to seek better balance in her world. It ended up being the start of a new chapter in her life.

Sometimes the words of our mothers are not as gentle or calming as we want them to be. Yet they are wise in their intent and are often life-changing in their impact. Thanks, moms.