My father is my mother
Sherri T.
Words of Our Mothers recently learned an important lesson. Don’t assume.
Don’t assume that there is only one person who can play the role of mother in someone’s life.
When I asked special friend Stacey R. about the words of her mother, she replied without hesitation: “My father is my mother.”
I hadn’t appreciated that her mother had passed away when she was very young and that her father had taken on the role of both parents. In fact, these are the very words Stacey sent to WOOM as a tribute to her dad:
“People always look at me funny when I say my father is the matriarch of our family. They assume they heard me wrong or that I don’t know what the word matriarch means. What they don’t understand is that my father assumed the role of both mother and father after my mother passed away when he was just 36 years old. Now as an adult, my ‘maternal’ father has turned into my best friend and the one we all go to for emotional support and advice when needed.”
We have also learned that many people quote the words of their fathers – as much as or sometimes even more often than the words of their mothers.
Take, for example, the father of dear friend Margie F. who used to say: “Don’t do anything in the day that will keep you up at night.” Talk about wise words that are worth remembering and repeating.
There is good reason to acknowledge the words of our fathers. A burgeoning literature is emerging on the vital role of fathers in enabling the healthy development of their children.
The US-based Institute for Family Studies points out, for example, that conversations about the importance of fathers usually revolve around sons: how boys benefit from having a positive male role model while growing up. Increasingly, however, research is pointing to the crucial role that fathers play in the self-esteem and well-being of girls and young women.
Words of Our Mothers (WOOM) is, in no way, intended to minimize or diminish the invaluable Words of Our Fathers. The only limitation? WOOF doesn’t quite cut it.
“Words of Our Fathers. The only limitation? WOOF doesn’t quite cut it.”
While that is indeed a funny acronym, a woof needn’t necessarily mean “his bark is worse than his bite”….
I remember being so afraid of my dad as he was always using his loudest barking voice. But under that was a most caring and concerned dad, simply his way of getting messages of danger across to his daughters. Not sure if it was also a cultural thing to instil authority and respect.
I know of many a dad having to take on the role of mother (and quite successfully). Most have ended up with a bond that just can’t be duplicated if the role was not present.
Dad’s learning how to dress a toddler in her party clothes (pantyhose being the greatest challenge)
Dad’s learning how to french braid her hair (not to mention painting nails)
Dad’s learning how to be soft when she is crying and needs a TLC moment.
Little boys need their moms just as much as little girls need their dads.
In my knowledge of those fathers I know who have had to assume this responsibility, the challenges of every life stage have been met just as strong and head-on, and have resulted in a bond so strong that even the loudest woof has not deterred the gentleness that lies within. (A sheep in doggie’s clothing?)