Don’t cry for cabbage if you planted corn
Sherri T.
These were the wise words of the mother of my colleague Mary. They certainly rang true for her family of farmers.
First things first, why are mothers always so dramatic? Why don’t they just say what they mean? Why do they feel the need to invoke analogy and allegory?
Like Sadie who would answer her grandson’s questions by saying: “When your grandmother is your grandfather.” Why couldn’t she just say: “No.” Or: “Never.”
Why do mothers feel that they need to employ colorful language? Take Doris who would tell dear friend Bonnie: “I am full of sloth.” Translation: “I feel lazy.”
But saying “I feel lazy” sounds lazy – and lame. “I am full of sloth,” by contrast, seems like it could be something important.
Or take the case of Deb’s mother who wanted to ensure that her daughter would stand up to peer pressure. Why not provide direct advice like: “Stand up to peer pressure.” Why not say: “Don’t be afraid to have a mind of your own.”
Because no teenager wants to be told what to do.
Besides, the good clear advice is so vanilla. It needs a bit of edge. Bring on the drama and you now have: “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?”
This is all part of the clever-mother strategy in which mothers think about ways to convey a message without actually saying it. Straight words often have little effect. Drama and color pack a more powerful punch.
The wise words “Don’t cry for cabbage if you planted corn” certainly had staying power with Mary. Had her mother simply said “reap what you sow,” she likely would have been dismissed as too biblical.
She could also have said: “If you don’t put in time and effort, don’t expect a good outcome.” Or “Your investment of time, talent and energy is what you’ll get back.” Truth be told? These are serious yawns.
Mary’s mother decided instead to plant her seeds in a unique way. She used the farm as frame. It worked its magic. Mary has now added the tale of the cabbage and the corn to her abundant harvest of important life lessons.