Don’t expect anything from anyone and you’ll never be disappointed
Lisa T.
The first time I heard my mother say these words, I thought they were negative and sort of hopeless. I was 16 and having a hard time with a girl in school – a former friend who had taken to bullying me. I didn’t understand why our relationship had irrevocably changed, given our close history.
But now, it was hurting and no longer serving me. I was having a hard time swallowing the truth. It was my first friend breakup.
When I sought advice from my mom, she was quick to respond: Grandma always used to say not to expect anything from anyone and you’ll never be disappointed. It’s as if my mother was waiting for the appropriate time to pass that one down, like she knew that this moment would inevitably come.
Given the circumstances, I took the idea to mean: If we don’t expect much from others, we won’t be so hurt by them when they let us down. In short: Set the standards low.
This didn’t resonate. I remember rejecting it right away, chalking it up to grandma’s tough upbringing and a grin-and-bear-it mentality.
But I didn’t want to set the bar so low. I feared it wasn’t a healthy approach to building relationships. And it just didn’t feel like me.
What I didn’t appreciate at the time was the intended meaning of the advice. In this life, we can only control our own actions, not the actions of others. So it would follow that any expectations, should be our own, for ourselves, and not for others.
That way, we can hope to be in alignment with our morality and inner compass, and feel satisfied by the way we’ve handled situations. These wise words are really telling us to be our true selves and be true to ourselves.
For me, they are definitely words to live by. Who knows, if grandma had lived in a different time and place, maybe she would’ve also been a yoga instructor. There is something to be said for all that zen.
This week’s Words of Our Mothers (WOOM) blog was written by guest author Lisa T.
“Don’t Expect anything from anyone and you won’t’ be disappointed”…
Yes indeed! But not.
I realized my “raison d’etre” in life at a very young age, being the youngest of 7.
I was a doer and above all, a giver.
It made me feel better giving than receiving; I was small but big and I certainly made my presence be known.
I tried to emulate my mother bcz I admired her in how she gave to everyone – to her detriment but none the less, I recognized her fulfillment when she gave and how happy it made her.
My mother gave especially to all her children and never expected anything in return bcz she truly did it from her heart and was therefore, never disappointed. She did, however, extend her generosity outside her family which taught me that there are limitations in life and how important it is to set boundaries. Difficult yes, but ever so necessary. It hurt to see how much she did and how no one ever reciprocated for when she received guests, there were no limits; so why not return her kind gesture? This never bothered her and continued to receive with open arms as friends continued to congregate in such a comfortable and heartwarming home. I will forever continue to give to my children and surrounding family, and I will never be disappointed bcz I know how appreciated I am and how it still to-date fulfills me. I did however, set my parameters outside of my family not bcz I expected anything in return which I didn’t get but I realized the importance of spreading oneself too thin and needing the energy focussed on who and what is true to your life. I can’t lie, there are times, I can’t help myself and step over my own boundaries and I think I do this just to remind myself why I shouldn’t.
I love what Lisa T. wrote, very insightful!