Is that what you’re wearing?

Sherri T.

Don’t assume. That’s one key lesson I learned through WOOM.

Don’t assume that the words of our mothers are always wise. They may be said with the best of intentions but sometimes they’re hurtful.

Take, for example, the words of Sylvia, my friend Dana’s mother. “Is that what you’re wearing?” she would frequently ask.

Of course, it’s a rhetorical question. The answer is obvious and the question doesn’t mean what it says. The answer is obvious because Dana’s clothing is in full view.

Which begs the question: Why did Sylvia ask if she could clearly see what her daughter was wearing? The answer: Because she evidently didn’t like what her daughter was wearing. 

Instead of criticizing Dana’s fashion choices, she posed an ‘innocent’ question. She employed the clever-mother strategy.

Sylvia used a ‘subtle’ approach to make her point. In her view, Dana’s dress du jour wasn’t great.

My friend Barbara’s mother, by contrast, left no room for interpretation error. There was not even a hint of politesse. No attempt to massage the message. No missing her missive.

Barbara’s mother would state in her matter-of-fact manner: “That is not becoming on you.”

Translation: “You don’t look so good.”

My mother used yet a different method. She skillfully combined the indirect and the direct approaches. Right down the middle.

She would look at me and say: “Maybe you should try ___ or ___ or   ___ (fill in the blanks with a garment of your choice). That’s what they’re wearing.”

My reply: “Who’s they?”

Are they the mannequins in the store window? Are they the models in women’s magazines? Are they the actresses on the screen?

 Who’s they? My question was never answered.

 Despite the non-response, I know one thing for sure. Whoever ‘they’ are is not me. And I am not they.

It would be nice to tell the moms who openly or quietly have something to say about our fashion (and other) choices, please don’t. Just celebrate who and what we are rather than commenting on who or what we’re not.

On the rare occasion that your words may not be so wise, it may be wise not to say them.