If you order decaf at night, ask for the server’s phone number

Sherri T.

These were the wise words of Rae, the mother of my friend Marilyn. Who hasn’t had a sleepless night or two after ordering ‘decaf’ coffee in a restaurant?

Rae knew that if she asked the server for a phone number, it was far more likely that she would actually get decaffeinated coffee (if it were available in the first place). 

Not that Rae ever took home anyone’s number. It was just her clever way of saying: “Don’t mess with me. If I order decaf, this better be it. Because if not, we will both spend the night awake.” 

How smart is this? 

Rae understood she had to give the restaurant the benefit of the doubt. In fact, we do that all the time.

If it says organic in the ingredient list, we believe it. If the menu says locally grown, we take their word for it. If a dish is labelled vegan, we trust that what they say is what we get.

When it comes to decaf, by contrast, the stakes are much higher. 

 If we eat ‘locally grown’ produce that was actually shipped across the ocean, it may be an affront to our values. But we likely will not lose a night’s sleep over it.

Yet with the decaf issue, it is a lost night and more. We are angry at ourselves for being duped. Why didn’t we speak up at the time? Why didn’t we declare our decaf doubts?

Long story short: We are up all night wrestling not only with the injury but also the insult.

Like my mother Bella used to do so often, Rae skillfully employed humor to put servers on notice. She ‘subtly’ let them know not to pull the wool over her eyes. Because if they do, they will hear from her. After midnight. Wide awake and wired. 

Sometimes the words of our mothers are wise not in a deep or serious way. Or in a heal-the-world kind of way. Their words will not bring about big change.

But they may influence our behavior. At the very least, they will make us pause and smile. Now these are words that are truly worthy.