Be the bigger person
Sherri T.
These were the words of Adelyn, mother of friend Marjie.
It so happens that Adelyn was a highly-accomplished woman among a male-dominated legal profession. You might say she was a giant in her field.
But that was not what she meant by “be the bigger person.” Her words had nothing to do with her work, despite her landmark achievements.
It has taken many years for Marjie to figure out what Adelyn was saying. In fact, Marjie is still learning. As a younger sister and barely pushing 5’2”, being the bigger person was clearly a tall order.
Turns out, there is no one single meaning but rather a group of behaviors to which this expression refers. These four little words truly punch above their weight in meaning. These four small words just keep on giving.
Here’s the list so far….
Be the bigger person means act with integrity. Or in the words of my mother Bella: “Do the right thing by people.”
Be the bigger person also means act with empathy. Take all sides into account. Walk a mile in someone’s shoes. “You never know someone’s story,” as the mother of friend Sara used to advise her.
Be the bigger person means: “If you have a choice, choose nice.” This is what Belle would advise daughter Rhoda – even though it may not always be the simple choice.
Be the bigger person means not getting upset by bad behavior. The bigger person doesn’t stoop to someone ’s level. It also means let go and move on. Don’t hold a grudge, which is so easy to do. The only person who ends up suffering is you.
Be the bigger person means setting high expectations for yourself. It also means accepting (unfortunately) that others may not have the same high standards.
Be the bigger person means: “Take the high road.” This according to Ray, mother of friend Michelle. Ray admits: “There’s less traffic up there.” Sad but true.
Maybe there would be more traffic on the high road if there were more “bigger persons.”
As for Marjie, a bigger person may have small feet. But a bigger person always leaves big shoes to fill.