Close the loop

Sherri T.

Now that Hallowe’en is done, it makes sense to ask:  Have you ever been ghosted?

As in: you’re in contact with someone, you have a great conversation and then, with no warning, the trail goes cold.  Poof.  They’re gone.

This happened recently to my friend Maureen.  She had an interview with a prospective employer. 

The call could not have gone any better.  In fact, it went so well that she looked to buy a car for the expected work route.  Good thing she hit the brakes on that idea.

Her employer (if that’s what he can be called) had promised to follow up with the specs.  She understood that to mean “specifications.”  She now realizes that he probably meant “glasses.”  The ones he never found. 

His follow-up note never arrived.  So what happened?

Maureen is still trying to figure that out.  She wondered: “Was it him or was it me?”

Did he have second thoughts about her credentials?  Or did he feel intimidated by her competence? 

Was she not a good fit for the team?  Or maybe she was a better fit for the team.

Perhaps he was being polite on the call.  But why did he break his follow-up promise?  That is definitely not polite. 

Then Maureen described the wave of guilt she could not help feeling.  Maybe the poor man was hit by a bus.  Perhaps he slipped and broke his typing hand.  Maybe a relative fell ill and the rest of the world is now his B list.

While Maureen’s words went in one ear, I heard my mother’s words in the other.  She would always say: “Do the right thing by people.”

It took me years to figure out what that meant.  I ended up mapping out my own list.  It was not only thank you.  Not only check up on someone.  Not only help out when possible. 

It was also about closing the loop.  If you say you’ll call, then call.  If you say you’ll write, then write.  If you say you’ll do something, then do it.  

Clearly, Maureen’s not-meant-to-be boss never learned my mother’s wise advice.   Stand by your words – or don’t say them.