Don’t be too quick to judge

Sherri T.

 

These were the wise words of the mother of dear friend Sara.  Her mother was advising Sara not to be so fast to form – or express – an opinion about someone else.  Because most of the time, you just don’t know.

You don’t know their story.  You don’t know what they’re feeling.  You don’t know what they may be struggling with or what challenges they may be facing. 

You know only what they choose to share.  There is usually much more than meets the eye – and the ear.

Turns out, these very wise words are also very old words.  They figure prominently in an ancient text called Ethics of the Fathers.  That book sat on the shelves of our home as Words of Our Fathers – the very text that inspired this Words of Our Mothers initiative.

Ethics of the Fathers is a compilation of the wisdom of scholars and philosophers who set out ethical guidance for caring relationships and a compassionate society.  

Show kindness.  Don’t be too quick to pass judgment and judge only after you have stood in that person’s place.  After you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.  Be careful with your words and what you say.

Some mothers have provided similar advice with different words.  “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a colorful way of conveying the message.  Wait until you start the story to decide if it’s worth reading.

I am reminded of the wise words of Belle, the mother of dear friend Rhoda.  Belle would say to her children: “Know with whom you have the pleasure.”

I recall stopping in my tracks the very first time Rhoda shared these words.  I had to stop to think about what they meant – aside from being blown away by Belle’s impressive grammar.  

Her wise words were so simple, yet so deep.  Here’s what they say to me.

Take the time to get to know someone before you decide who and what they are.  Take the time to hear their story before you make up your own.  Perhaps most important, take the time to talk with them rather than taking the time to talk about them.