If you don’t ask, the answer is always no

Sherri T.

These were the wise words of Ray, the mother of dear friend Michelle. Min, the mother of dear friend Betsy, also used to say: “If you don’t ask, you’ll never know.”

Ray and Min were basically encouraging their children not to be shy about asking for or inquiring about something when they thought it was a reasonable question and it deserved to be heard.

We can all think of queries we believed were probably not worth pursuing. We may hesitate, for example, to inquire about a seat change on a train, reschedule a hard-to-get appointment or ask for a refund on a returned item.

Often to our great surprise, speaking up actually works.

Many students have been granted an extension on their assignments due to personal circumstances. Meeting dates have been switched because the original schedule conflicts with a religious holiday. Some of us have even received “compensation” because our hotel room was too cold, too hot, too noisy or too ____ (fill in the blank). 

Yet sometimes the ask is far more profound than a simple date change or mustard exchange. The ask can actually be life-altering. I learned this important life lesson from my mother.

She grew up in a family that faced ongoing financial challenges. Translation? They were poor. Everyone had to contribute in some way to the household.

Mom managed to find work during the Great Depression when there was simply no work to be had. She walked into an office building one day and confidently told the receptionist that the company president had requested a meeting with her. 

She succeeded in pulling off the impossible.  She asked for work and the president hired her on the spot. The following day, she sent her look-alike younger sister to do the job. And off she went to find more work. 

Mom was not afraid to ask (and in this case, to tell).

Had she not asked, the answer definitely would have been no. Had she not asked, she would not have earned money to provide to her family. Had she not asked, she would not have been able to share with her children her gutsy story of confidence and determination.