Do the right thing (a second look)

Sherri T.

“Do the right thing by people.” These were the wise words of my mother Bella.

What does that mean − do the right thing? What is the right thing? For me, it means simple caring gestures like:

  • inquiring about a sick friend’s health
  • writing to say thank you after an invite
  • remembering birthdays and special occasions
  • checking the home of travelling friends
  • sending congratulations for a promotion or achievement
  • doing groceries to help someone out
  • keeping in touch with an older person whose friends have passed.

Sometimes I would get upset when my own efforts were not reciprocated. My mother would always answer with the following (most annoying) advice: “Don’t expect anything from anybody and you will never be disappointed.”

Why shouldn’t someone acknowledge that I called their mother every week? Why shouldn’t I expect people to reciprocate if they have been invited over? Why shouldn’t someone write thank you for a gift?

After all, it’s the right thing to do. And my mother was always telling me to do the right thing. So why am I supposed to do the right thing and not expect the same from others?

I realize only now – more than 30 years later – what she was trying to say. Mom was basically telling me to live by the “golden rule.” Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 

Yet she was actually changing the rule. She was telling me not to get upset if they did not do the same unto me. Why the double standard? Because, in her view, everybody has a story.

Maybe someone doesn’t feel comfortable hosting guests. It may be more pressure than pleasure.

Maybe a friend thought she had said thank you but had simply forgotten. Or had sent a thank you thought. Silent but sincere nonetheless. A note may have been delayed or lost in the mail, which has been known to happen all too frequently.

Maybe someone was raised with different expectations. Unlike your own, but equally sound.

I appreciate only now my mother’s wise words. Take the high road. Walk tall.

Don’t put expectations on others. But do put them on yourself. Always.