It’s complicated… (a second look)
Sherri T.
At the end of the second blog in this series, I talked about setting out to seek and document the Words of Our Mothers (WOOM). Now.
No sooner had the journey begun than I learned a powerful lesson: Don’t assume.
Don’t assume that the mother/daughter story is always a good one.
What I had not fully appreciated when embarking on this venture was that the relationships between mothers and daughters are wide-ranging and complex. They are often fraught with anger. They are often tinged by resentment, which goes both ways.
In responding to my question about their relationships with their mothers, many women either said or implied the following: “It’s complicated.”
One friend whose mother was a highly successful physician described the constant pressure to succeed. She is now, and has long been, in therapy.
Another acquaintance told me about being “grounded forever.” The circumstances were complex and these words clearly reflected her mother’s anger.
Now I know from my own relationship with my mother that things were not always easy. In fact, they were never easy. In fact, we argued a lot. In fact, we argued most of the time. In fact, we didn’t talk to each other much of the time.
But that ongoing tension has not stopped me from taking a step back to reflect on the good in our relationship.
My mother probably nagged a lot because she genuinely cared about my health and well-being. And the words I do remember were wise in ways I can only truly understand much later in life.
I appreciate that many women would not put their mothers at the top of their thank-you list − or on it at all.
But I would argue that every person has at least one woman – a friend, grandmother, cousin, sister or aunt, who has guided them in some significant way. Whose words have been enlightening or encouraging. Whose advice has been calming or healing. Whose guidance has energized and inspired.
So I use the word ‘mother’ in its broadest possible sense. The Words of Our Mothers (WOOM) could have also been called the Wisdom of Women (WOW).
